


didn't you know i’d find you? (anywhere, in any world)

by tigerlo



Series: we were stronger than the darkness between us [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universes, F/F, actually not that much angst believe it or not, and time-travel, but love, just read it its good i promise, or universe travel?, universe-shifting love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 07:23:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9646151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerlo/pseuds/tigerlo
Summary: All the light of the world couldn't keep us apart.orSomething terrible happens during an experiment in the lab, and Erin and Jillian shift through different universes and realities until the others can save them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure, undiluted crack my friends. 
> 
> I really wanted to stay as true to them as possible within their different iterations and I think I've done that, but I'll apologise in advance if any of it reads ooc.
> 
> And the whole thing is probably crazy, but it sounded lovely in my head. I think it reads nicely written down, so I hope you think so too.
> 
> x

 

 -

 

Something goes wrong.

 

Something goes horribly, _horribly_ wrong.

 

Cataclysmically wrong.

 

World endingly wrong.

 

Which sounds overdramatic, except it's not.

 

Because Erin and Jillian leave this universe and don't come back for a lifetime.

 

-

 

It had seemed safe.

 

Risky, sure. But safe.

 

And it had been everyone's idea in the end. Discussed at great length before they had finally decided to proceed.

 

Because they were nothing if not scientists, and an academic consensus was important.

 

And while they had an obligation to this world, they had an obligation to others too.

 

If they existed.

 

Which is what they were trying to test based on Erin and Abby’s experience in the portal months ago.

 

Test, being the operative word.

 

Except they didn't test.

 

They **did**.

 

Not on purpose. _Gods_ , no.

 

One simple, tiny miscalculation that they had all missed changed the experiment from a window to a gateway.

 

Erin will visualize this miscalculation every day that they are gone for, will picture it in her mind's eye and wonder how they all missed something so _gloriously_ important.

 

She knows exactly which numbers should have been changed but it doesn't matter now because the damage has been done.

 

The damage has been done and they are at the mercy of a thousand lives and a million possibilities with no way out but _through_.

 

-

 

The window prototype was Jillian's making of course, sleek and beautiful and perfect.

 

The machine has been faultless, it had been their equations that caused the event.

 

Abby had entered the numbers into the computer linked with the device and they had all taken a simultaneously deep breath as Abby hit the button that would seal all of their fates.

 

And take their worlds to pieces.

 

-

 

Erin had loved her before.

 

She hadn't known it in her head yet, but her _body_ had.

 

And Jillian's had known too.

 

Erin thinks maybe that's why it took them together.

 

-

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“Abby, what the hell is wrong?”

 

“I don't know Patty, I need you to be quiet. Jillian, shut it **off**.”

 

“I'm trying Abs, it's not running off my power anymore. It's running off something else.”

 

“Shit, it's getting bigger.”

 

“I _know_ it is, Patty. You two, get back.”

 

“Erin, I don't know how to turn it off.”

 

“I know Jill, I know. Stay calm ok, stay with me. Maybe we can see, maybe if we get cl….”

 

“Erin what are you doing?”

 

“I need to _see_ Abby. Maybe there's something on the machine.”

 

“Holtzy, don't let her get any closer.”

 

“Erin, **no**.”

 

“Jill, I have to. We did this. Hold my hand and I'll….”

 

-

 

She's never seen the inside of a star before but Erin thinks it must look like this.

 

Brilliant translucent light, and a dark **blacker** than the end of the world.

 

 

-

 

It had been quiet, in hindsight.

 

You'd think the dissolution of reality and the shattering of matter would have been louder, but no.

 

It had been sunset colours and then black and then the warmth of a summer's day and Jillian's breath on the back of her neck, between her thighs and then **nothing**.

 

And then _everything_.

 

-

 

The first world is simple.

 

Almost a test.

 

Erin wakes in a bed that looks like hers and smells like hers but the sheets are a soft pink, and she's _never_ had pink sheets in her life before.

 

She wakes up confused and she tries to move but a warm arm settles low around her waist and holds her still.

 

She jumps, turns at the contact confused and scared to see Jillian's sleepy eyes looking back at her.

 

“Erin, what are you doing? It's still so early.”

 

She pauses, about to ask _what_ the hell is going on and _where_ the hell are we and _why_ are we in bed together when something in her brain **clicks** , and the memories of this world fill her veins.

 

It's stunningly similar to their _real_ one, as Erin likes to think of it during the realities to come, except Erin likes pink sheets instead of white.

 

They met in the same way and saved the world and fell in love and got married, which is how they've ended up here in Erin's bed with pink sheets.

 

“Come back to sleep babe. We can go for a walk in a few hours and clear your head but I just want a little bit more.”

 

She leans back, moves into the warmth of Jillian's arms and realises with a _terrifying_ clarity what has happened.

 

She can feel her blood moving through her body like ice and she is scared, but Jillian's arms are solid and warm and she settles into them and _cries_.

 

Jillian doesn't say anything because in this world Erin is prone to night terrors and this is normal, so Jillian just holds her tighter as she weeps.

 

She falls asleep first, with Jillian whispering lullabies in a different language in her ear.

 

When she wakes they are somewhere else.

 

-

 

Erin knows.

 

In every universe she knows _exactly_ what has happened.

 

In every universe she remembers meeting Jillian Holtzmann in _their_ reality in a lab with a blowtorch in her hand, and a light in her eyes that makes Erin feel like she was the centre of the world.

 

Which, in a funny way she guesses she was.

 

Or is.

 

And Erin; poor, fiery, _lost_ Erin has been burdened with it all.

 

Because in _some_ worlds Jillian is lucid.

 

In some worlds she remembers too, but it doesn't last.

 

Sometimes they have a few desperate moments together, clutching at each other as Jillian cries and apologises for leaving Erin to do this alone, and Erin screams into the sky because she wants to _hold on_.

 

And then one of them closes their eyes and it is over, again.

 

-

 

They shift without warning.

 

Sometimes she will wake up in a different bed in a different time, and sometimes she will blink during the day and everything will change.

 

There is no rhyme or reason that Erin can track at first, because she looks.

 

_God_ , does she look.

 

She spends every waking moment trying to figure out how to change this, to stop it.

 

And it should make her distracted but her body plays the part in every world, running on autopilot, while her mind works in the background.

 

And there must be some magnificent memory to this whole thing because in the worlds where Holtz remembers, she remembers everything in between too, even when she wasn't _there_.

 

Those are the most painful because they are the shortest.

 

Sometimes they have a few hours together, or sometimes a whole day and night, and they hold hands the entire time.

 

Sometimes they kiss too, if the worlds in between have been **hard** and Erin needs comfort.

 

The first time they do this they are sitting on a beach watching the sunrise, and they both know as soon as the sky is light they will forget.

 

Holtz turns to her with a piece of glass in her hand that looks like an uncut diamond (it is, Erin will learn much _much_ later, brought down from the mountains to where they sit now) and she places it in Erin's hand.

 

“Don't worry,” she says, her eyes full of tears. “Don't worry Erin, I'll find a way out. I promise.”

 

Erin cries.

 

Because in this world her parents died when she was five, and she's never had anyone in the world but Jillian.

 

“But what if we don't?” Erin asks quietly. “And what if you forget. Forever.”

 

“I won't,” Jillian says, and her conviction is as strong as the stone in Erin's hand. “I could never forget you, see.”

 

She kisses Erin and they both feel it shake through every single universe they've already been through, and every one to come.

 

Her lips are warm while the air is cool around them, and when her hand slides into Erin's hair at the back of her neck Erin _shakes_.

 

“Take this with you,” she says kissing Erin’s hand as it holds the stone. “Then you won't forget either.”

 

She closes her eyes as the waves sweep the sand back into the ocean and then they _shift_ , again.

 

-

 

Sometimes she thinks it is magic, too.

 

Magic and physics.

 

Because in some worlds Jillian Holtzmann looks at her like her voice could sing the dawn and how could there _not_ be magic, when someone loves you **that** much.

 

-

 

Once, she wakes up a Queen.

 

She pads over to the window and it's pitch black so her eyes strain, but she looks down on a jungle as far as the eye can see.

 

She can see a temple far off in the distance and thinks by the shape that maybe they are in a country that is like India in their world, or Cambodia maybe.

 

It's warm, and the room has no windows, only curtains that float in the breeze.

 

The night air drapes her silk nightdress over and around her ribs, and one of the straps slides off her shoulder as she turns suddenly towards the bed.

 

The marble is cool beneath her feet as she walks silently to the figure sitting up waiting for her.

 

Jillian is a Queen here too, in this world.

 

_Her_ Queen.

 

They both wear bangles of heavy gold at their wrists studded with precious gems as a symbol of their Regency, and Jillian’s hair is long around her shoulders.

 

She pulls Erin to her as soon as she is close enough, presses her down to into the softness of their bed and kisses her until they both run out of breath.

 

This world lasts the longest thus far, and weeks pass before they move on.

 

Erin can't put a timestamp on _when_ because some of their ways are advanced, but they have no memory or written history of things that have passed.

 

They hold court in a high hall with a panther at her feet and a tiger at Jillian's, unchained but _wild_ and bound to each of them like they are to each other, and they growl at anyone who comes too close without their leave.

 

Their gowns are rich and beautiful but soft and light to suit the heat, Erin's a deep cobalt blue and Jillian's an emerald green and they speak a kindness to their subjects with their hands linked together.

 

The cats sleep at the foot of their bed, constant companion and protection in one, and Erin thinks this is her favourite world so far.

 

Because here they are together and were _born_ for each other, and the wild in their hearts and heads is what has made them Queens, not outcasts.

 

They make love almost every night.

 

Jillian's bangle is cool against the outside of her thigh as her hands move Erin’s legs up and over her shoulders, and their cats _roar_ when she comes apart long hours later.

 

“Do you think we will always rule?” Jillian asks her, as they lay tangled in each other watching the dawn move over their kingdom.

 

“Here?” Erin asks, looking up from the swell of Jillian's breast as the blonde nods.

 

“Always,” Erin says with a smile. “Until we die, and then maybe even after.”

 

Her fingers find the pendant around her neck which houses the diamond Jillian had given her several worlds ago now.

 

They had offered to cut it here, to make it shine like the other gems they wear over their bones but Erin had wanted to keep it raw.

 

The necklace will be gone when they do move on, but the stone will be in her hand when she wakes. It always is now.

 

In the morning it is all gone, and she comes to in a tent on an island in the Pacific Ocean and Jillian presses a kiss to her shoulder as they watch the sun rise over the sea.

 

-

 

Sometimes she doesn't want it to stop.

 

Sometimes she just wants to _stay_ , to stop looking for an answer and a solution because in each world they are an inevitability.

 

Whether they begin as enemies or best friends or soldiers on either side of the battlefield, in every single iteration of themselves they fall in love.

 

It is _beautiful_ , the knowledge that they will always find each other.

 

A **privilege**.

 

And Erin never wants that to end.

 

-

 

Erin wonders how strong their bond must be to allow this.

 

To drag them through several hundred universes where they _always_ find each other.

 

She imagines it is a platinum string, shot with light that pulls taut when they stray too far apart and shortens when they are touching.

 

But that connects them _always_.

 

-

 

In one world Erin wakes alone, without Jillian, and she gets ready for the day with a heavy heart like she always does when she rises by herself.

 

Here, Erin is an executive for a pharmaceutical company and she heads a board of men that hate her.

 

She walks into the office from her penthouse apartment in her perfectly tailored suit, and her heart feels like it is bleeding with every step she takes because she wants to find Jillian but her body is taking her to work instead.

 

She rides the lift to the forty seventh floor and collects her coffee from her assistant on her way into the meeting room, smiling at the mousy, terrified girl as she passes.

 

“Oh, Doctor Gilbert,” the girl calls out as she pushes the door open. “One of the board members has been replaced over the weekend. The new member’s name is….”

 

Erin looks up, her eyes suddenly drawn towards the door and over her assistant’s shoulder.

 

Her hair is pulled back in a tight high ponytail and her suit is a deep navy, fitted like Erin’s but with a long tie around her neck where Erin’s collar is open.

 

“Jillian Holtzmann,” Erin finishes for her. “ _Doctor_ Jillian Holtzmann.”

 

She meets Erin’s eyes and she _knows,_ and Erin's smile almost cracks the glass around them.

 

Her assistant just stares between them blankly as Erin moves past her to shake Jillian's hand.

 

“I didn't think I'd be seeing you so soon,” Erin says, sighing deep as Jillian's hand curls in hers.

 

“Nor did I. Do we have time before….?” She asks, gesturing over Erin's shoulder towards the boardroom.

 

“Yes,” Erin says easily. “Emily, tell the others we won't be long. We have to attend to an urgent matter before we begin the meeting this morning.”

 

They hear her stutter a quiet ‘ok’ as they walk, their shoulders brushing together towards Erin's office.

 

As soon as they're inside Jillian pushes her up against the door and Erin thanks _god_ she hadn't gone for glass when they'd redesigned earlier in the year.

 

“I missed you,” Jillian pants against her neck as Erin's hands pull her hair loose. “I'm sorry, is this ok?”

 

Because they've kissed before when Jillian remembers but nothing else. They've only ever made love when she doesn't.

 

Which is fine, because it's what they want _deep_ down and the universes seem structured to bend to their will sometimes, especially for that.

 

“Yes,” Erin says urgently, her hands pulling Jillian's shirt free from her pants so she can slide her hands over Jillian’s stomach. “God, I've missed you. How much time do you think we have?”

 

“Before the meeting or here?”

 

“I don't care about the meeting,” Erin gasps as Jillian's teeth close around her neck. “I'm the boss, I can do what I fucking want.”

 

“I like this Erin,” Jillian says smiling against her pulse point. “Can we take her with us?”

 

“We can do whatever you want as long as you touch me, Jill. _Fuck_.”

 

Jillian's hands slip beneath the waistband of her pants and she doesn't mean to, because she always keeps her eyes open when they're together like this when Jillian remembers, just in case it _shifts_ but today she forgets.

 

Jillian's hands slide against her and she moans **loud** as her head tips back against the wall and her eyes flutter closed for a second and she cries out, but it's too late.

 

She opens them in the middle of the night and her sheets are soft and silky this time, but Jillian's not there to catch her tears.

 

-

 

In some worlds they die.

 

In some worlds they die together and in some they die apart and those are the worlds with heavens, where they spend eternity sitting on a cloud watching the world go by.

 

And it sounds tiresome in practice, _wearing_.

 

But it's not.

 

Because they are **together**.

 

-

 

In every single one Erin thanks the universe that they are together, eventually if not from the start.

 

Because she thinks she wouldn't have been able to do it alone.

 

In some worlds they die, yes but they've never sought to cause that death in themselves.

 

And she knows it's terrible and awful but she doesn't think she would have been strong enough to come through in the end if she were alone, because this is _hard_.

 

In this world they are hiking in the mountains of a country that looks like somewhere in North America except that's not what it's called now, because she checked the map the second she opened her eyes.

 

She's sitting on a rock catching her breath with the straps of her pack digging into her shoulders, and for a second she is alone.

 

She closes her eyes as the forest hums and breathes around her and she is far from _alone_ but in that moment she is lonely.

 

She feels lost.

 

She hears a cat scream somewhere in the far distance and she shivers before she remembers the damage it causes will not be permanent in the end, not physically at least but still she starts to worry.

 

And then Jillian comes crashing through the scrub ahead of her, machete in hand as she carves a path for them, and she smiles at Erin like she has sapphires in her eyes.

 

She walks over to Erin with her hand stretched out, closing the gap between them.

 

She takes Erin's hand and everything _settles,_ and Erin breathes with the forest too.

 

Her hair is long again in this universe, and she has it woven into a rough bun on top of her head but a few strands fall loose around her eyes.

 

She blows them away with a puff and she pulls Erin to her feet.

 

“Come on EG, we've got a long way to go yet.”

 

-

 

In one world, Jillian saves her life.

 

Erin opens her eyes and locks the door to the little bookshop she owns, closing for the night, and she turns to the sound of screeching tyres and bright headlights.

 

She closes her eyes, bracing for the impact or the _change_ when something solid and blonde knocks her out of the way and into a brick wall behind them.

 

“Oh my god,” Erin pants as she looks at the car halfway embedded into the front of her shop window, the driver groggily stirring against the deployed airbag.

 

“Jillian will do,” the blonde object says as it drops her hands from Erin's shoulders where they were holding tight.

 

She looks into Jillian's eyes, sees nothing but adrenaline and relief and she smiles, rolling her eyes at the joke that is so _Holtzmann_ she can't help but laugh, even if she doesn't remember.

 

“I'm Erin,” She says, holding out a slightly shaky hand. “Can I buy you a drink while I call my insurance company?”

 

“Sure,” Holtz says easily, rocking back on her heels easily. “Got nowhere to be but here.”

 

She's not exactly the same but it's the closest Erin's ever come to _her_ Jillian, the original one.

 

Her clothes aren't quite as eccentric and she's not wearing glasses, but her hair is pinned up and she's got soot on her cheek.

 

Erin licks her finger, reaching to wipe the black mark off and Holtz watches with a mildly interested smirk as she does so.

 

“You do that to all the girls who save your life?” The blonde asks with a smile.

 

“No,” Erin says easily, because she knows this dance _so_ well by now.

 

“Only the ones that are going to fall in love with me.”

 

-

 

Somewhere after then things start to shift, to _change_ and Erin can't put her finger on it right away but she know **something** is happening.

 

But she doesn't know what, and it could be bad so she clings to Jillian harder in the worlds they begin together, and searches for her faster when they don't.

 

-

 

One day Erin wakes in a canvas tent and knows by the heat that she is in a country like their Egypt.

 

Jillian doesn't remember her in this one either, but she pushes the flap of the fabric open with a water canteen and Erin sighs the deep relief that comes with the worlds they are already known to each other in.

 

“Morning, Miss G,” Jillian says, smiling at Erin with an easy grin.

 

She’s wearing light brown khakis tucked into knee high brown leather boots and a white linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and Erin almost laughs because it suits her so well.

 

She looks at Erin like she wants to ask a question but she doesn’t. Because in this world Erin is her boss - in as much as an expedition leader can be her boss - and they haven’t fallen in love yet.

 

But they will.

 

“It’s hot out here already,” Holtz says wiping a loose strand of hair from her bun away with her forearm before holding the canteen out to Erin. “You’re going to want to drink this before we go anywhere.”

 

They kiss for the first time in this world beneath the light of a kerosene lamp three weeks later, and even though she _knows_ it’s not possible, Erin can taste the strawberry chapstick Jillian wears in their world on her lips.

 

-

 

In one of the last worlds, Jillian is a barista at Erin’s local coffee shop.

 

She flirts with Erin _mercilessly_ and it’s almost too easy so Erin plays hard to get for a while, because they haven’t done that yet.

 

She writes her number on Erin’s cup every day for sixty seven days until Erin smiles on the sixty eighth, and hands back her receipt with her number scrawled on the back.

 

Jillian reaches over the top of the coffee machine, her face alight with hope as Erin turns the stone in the pocket of her jacket, and she holds the small piece of paper for Jillian to take.

 

Jillian takes a breath and her fingertips brush Erin’s and something shifts _deep_ in the ocean beneath them and there’s a flash, and they both look at each other, and then they are **gone**.

 

-

 

Erin opens her eyes to the main room in the firehouse, Jillian’s arms wrapped tightly around her waist holding them together, and she knows at once they are home.

 

-

 

“You're together.”

 

Abby's voice, strained and tired and incredulous.

 

“Of course,” Gorin says, and her voice is slightly more relaxed but Erin can hear the relief _screaming_ in it. “Of course they're together.”

 

The others are looking at them, Erin can see how desperate they are to throw themselves at the two of them but they hold, _hesitant_ , because they have no idea what they’ve been through yet.

 

They wait, watching for she or Holtz to make the first move, their eyes flicking between the two of them.

 

Jillian doesn't look at them though.

 

She's looking at Erin.

 

She's looking at Erin like she looked at Erin in every single machination they have been through.

 

“I remember,” Jillian says turning to her fully. “I remember _everything_.”

 

-

 

Erin takes a second to close her eyes and pause, because she knows she can now without the fear that everything will change beneath her hands.

 

She pauses and she almost falls to her knees in relief, because Jillian _remembers_.

 

And she wasn’t sure how she was going to get out of bed tomorrow, or the day after, or **ever** , if she was the only one who did.

 

-

 

They sit on the couch with their knees touching, a thick woollen blanket over both their shoulders and steaming mugs of cocoa in their hands.

 

They're not cold, not especially, but it's a heavy comfort around Erin's aching soul.

 

“How long have we been gone for?” Jillian asks because Erin can’t.

 

She doesn’t really want to know.

 

She can tell some time has passed because Abby’s hair looks longer and things are in different places around the main living area of the firehouse, but it’s not clear _how_ much has.

 

“A couple of months,” Abby says carefully.

 

And Erin just _sobs_ , a heavy breath that turns into a gasp because is that all it’s been?

 

“Why?” Patty asks hesitantly. “How long has it been for you?”

 

Erin answers, and she only has the strength too because Jillian’s hand is warm at the small of her back, rubbing in slow, sure circles as the diamond sits solid in her palm.

 

“Years. It feels like we’ve been gone for _years_.”

 

-

 

“How did you do it? How did you get us back?”

 

“Rebecca,” Abby says looking to Gorin with a dense gratitude. “She found the problem in the equation and we’ve spent the last few months trying to reverse engineer your window to draw you back through. We had no idea if it would actually work, but we had to try.”

 

Abby takes a breath that shakes her shoulders as she looks at Erin and Holtz with tears in her eyes.

 

“Thank god she understands your work so well, Holtz. We never would have been able to do it without her.”

 

“You know what you did wrong?” Gorin asks them with steely eyes, cutting the silence once Abby stops speaking.

 

“Yes,” they answer in unison.

 

“We never thought anything like this would happen though,” Erin says, her hackles rising in defence.

 

“I’m not blaming you,” Gorin says firmly. “I would have done the same if I was in your position. I’m just glad you’re both home.”

 

-

 

The others ask them a few questions but Gorin holds her hand up after an hour or so, signalling an end to the evening.

 

“I think the rest can wait until the morning. I’m sure you both need rest. Do you feel as though you need to be checked over by a Doctor immediately, or can it wait?”

 

“It can wait,” Holtz says, rubbing her face. “I just want to go to bed.”

 

Gorin looks to Erin too and she only nods in agreement, her chest feeling a little too shaky to speak.

 

“Very well,” Gorin says nodding. “I’ll take you both home.”

 

Abby and Patty wrap them both in rib-crushing hugs before they climb into the back of the town car waiting outside for them.

 

Gorin gets in the front, turning as she gives instructions to her driver.

 

“One stop, or two?”

 

It’s simple. No judgement or fuss, just a question.

 

Jillian looks to Erin and she reaches for her hand slowly, the gesture **heavy** with meaning and Erin takes her hand without a seconds hesitation.

 

“One,” Erin says as Jillian’s heartbeat moves beneath her fingers, and they go _home_.

 

-

 

Erin stands in front of Jillian in the middle of her lounge with her hands balled into fists to stop her from touching, and all of a sudden the air between them stills with uncertainty.

 

Because in this world they are almost strangers, but in reality they’ve been lovers for _years_.

 

“What does this mean?” Jillian asks, her face carefully neutral.

 

“I think it can mean anything,” Erin says shrugging, feeling as unsure as she knows Jillian is too. “What do you want it to mean?”

 

“I think,” Jillian says dropping to her knee in front of Erin. “That I want it to mean this.”

 

She reaches up and takes the stone Erin has been turning in her hands for the last few hours, the edges worn well smooth by now.

 

“Erin Gilbert,” Holtz says, opening Erin’s hands one by one before she places the stone in the middle of them.  “I want you marry me. Because I feel like we’ve been married for decades, don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” Erin says, falling to her knees to join Jillian on the floor with a sob. “ _Yes_.”

 

And she could say more, but she doesn’t need to.

 

Because Jillian knows how much she loves her, because they wouldn’t have made it _through_ without it.

 

“Good,” Jillian says, pulling Erin to her feet and crashing their lips together.

 

Erin winds her hands through Jillian’s hair, pulling the pins loose as her tongue slips into her mouth and they both _moan_ at the **justice** of it all.

 

“I can’t believe we’re here.”

 

“I know,” Jillian says, leaning her forehead against Erin’s. “Never leave me again?”

 

“Never,” Erin says shaking her head softly, bumping Jillian’s nose with hers. “For now though I’m that exhausted I don’t know how I’m still standing. Take me to bed?”

 

-

 

Erin falls asleep almost the minute her head hits the pillow but she knows Jillian is still awake behind her, her breath soft against the bare skin over Erin’s spine.

 

The last thing Erin registers is the warm movement of Jillian’s hand, moving beneath her loose singlet to settle around Erin’s hip.

 

The blonde’s fingers trace over the curve of bone against skin, and Erin leaves the land of consciousness with the sound of a lullaby from their first life with the pink sheets singing softly in her ears.

 

-

 

Erin wakes in the quiet hours of the morning and she _wants_.

 

She's been dreaming about Jillian across several worlds.

 

Of lazy hands and soft kisses, and she knows it's silly because it's the middle of the night and they’re both bone tired and should be sleeping, but they've never _not_ responded to each other before.

 

In any of their realities.

 

Jillian's arm is slung low over Erin's waist and Erin picks it up, pressing a kiss to her knuckles before leaning over Jillian's sleeping form.

 

She leans in, pressing a whisper soft kiss to the blonde's cheek, and then shoulder, and she begins to stir beneath Erin's touch.

 

“Er? What….”

 

“I need you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

_A breath._

 

“Then have me.”

 

-

 

It's soft and fluid but so _deep_ that it makes Erin's bones ache.

 

Jillian rolls her onto her back, slipping easily between Erin's legs her hands sliding gently up Erin's body, peeling back the loose top she wore to bed.

 

She pushes it up and over Erin’s breasts, her lips sweeping to trace the path of her hands and Erin arches up into the touch, her back straining with the bend.

 

It never ceases to amaze Erin how quickly their blood heats for each other, because Jillian was asleep a minute ago but now Erin can feel her heartbeat pulse through her palms and her mouth is moving up Erin's stomach, and Erin just sighs with the _poetry_ of it all.

 

-

 

It could have been quick, a hurried touch in the dark, which would have been more than sufficient because Erin did wake her up from a deep sleep after years of travel, but Jillian doesn't rush a thing.

 

She doesn't rush for second because they both understand the significance of this moment.

 

She moves over Erin's body like it's holy scripture and Erin curves herself around Jillian's body, her hands sliding around Jillian’s shoulders and her legs around her waist, and they settle _close_ as Jillian builds her up without actually touching her.

 

Yet.

 

-

 

“Is this ok? Do you want me to….”

 

“No. Not yet. Draw it out. See how far you can make me bend.”

 

“I can feel how wet you are now. Are you sure you can stand much more?”

 

“Don't give me a choice. I want to make this _last_.”

 

-

 

Jillian does exactly what she asks.

 

She draws the moans from Erin's lungs like smoke and brings her heartbeat to boiling point.

 

And normally she'd be clawing at Jillian's back in frustration, but this is different.  

 

She's moving desperately beneath the blonde but instead of **burning** in the teasing she's _revelling_ in it.

 

Jillian leaves her body covered in the kind of marks she has after they've been **_rough_** and **_hard_** but this time it's because they're concentrated, and are more _beautiful_ for it.

 

-

 

Jillian finally touches her what feels like hours later and Erin has to bite her lip to stop from coming on the spot, because it's like heavy rain after a million years of drought and her body is _thirsty_.

 

But she pushes it down and Jillian draws away, listening to the thrum in Erin's body, before she comes back, softer and _slower_.

 

Jillian's brought her to the edge with her fingers more times than Erin can even count now but when she finally pushes into Erin it's like the very first time all over again, and Erin feels the shiver burn itself into her memory _forever_.

 

-

 

“Hey, hey Erin stay with me. Listen to my voice. I don't want you to come yet. I want you to wait. I want to do this together.”

 

“Are you….?”

 

“I'm _so_ close baby, you just need to touch me.”

 

-

 

She's pretty sure the neighbours hear her gasp when she finally feels how wet Jillian is for her.

 

She has to physically shake the fog from her head because Jillian's still touching her and she's half-hovering over Erin so she has room to side her hand between them, and Erin doesn't think she's _ever_ been this ready for her before.

 

“You weren't kidding huh? _Come_ then Jillian, I want you to _bend_ for me too.”

 

-

 

Jillian leans down and kisses her when they come together a few minutes later.

 

She slides her tongue into Erin's mouth and grounds down into Erin's hand and _sighs_.

 

They're both inside each other and the connection runs _deep_ , through their arms and into their cores and Erin's surprised her scream doesn't shatter the windows.

 

-

 

They wake in the early morning and Erin might have confused it for the best dream in the world but she looks over to Jillian, her neck littered with teeth marks, and feels the ache between her own legs before she rolls on top of Jillian because it makes her _hungry_ again.

 

-

 

They wake again a few hours later and they're both lying on their backs, Jillian's arm under Erin’s neck.

 

They're staring at the ceiling, their hands stretched towards the ceiling slowly passing the diamond between them.

 

“Do you think this is what did it?” Jillian asks softly. “That this is what kept us together?”

 

“No,” Erin says simply as she interlaces their fingers. “I think _this_ was.”

 

“Do you want to tell the others? What it was like?”

 

“No,” Erin says again. “I mean some, yes. But not all. It feels too hard. And too secret, does that make sense? Like it was our pain so the glory of the memory should be ours too?”

 

“I know,” Jillian says nodding. “I understand.”

 

Jillian takes the diamond when Erin passes it to her, running her thumb over the smooth edges.

 

“This thing must be worth a fortune,” Jillian says laughing softly. “Can you believe we found it on a beach?”

 

“Yes,” Erin says laughing softly too because she can. Because this whole thing has been so utterly serendipitous, why not that too.

 

“Will you wear it?” Jillian asks turning to Erin, and for a moment the youth radiates off her and Erin sighs because they have _so_ much life left to live. “If we have it made into a ring?”

 

“Jillian,” Erin says softly, turning to kiss her deeply. “I'll never take it off.”

 

-

 

They destroy the device the next day.

 

Erin holds Jillian's hand as they incinerate both it and the blueprints, and it feels like sacrilege because its Nobel-worthy, universe altering work and they are killing it.

 

But Erin knows it's the right thing to do.

 

They all do.

 

Because they were possibly the _only_ way an accident like that could have heralded a positive outcome, and they will not submit anyone in the world to the fate that was almost theirs.

 

-

 

The jeweller that fits their stone is astounded at the quality of it.

 

It's perfect she says with twinkling eyes. Flawless.

 

One of a kind.

 

And it heralds two stones, cut.

 

Set atop a high setting like the mountain they once ruled from, one throws light on _everything_ and never once comes off Erin's finger.

 

It scatters the moonlight when Erin wakes and rolls Jillian over and has her again and _again_ , and Erin wonders if it is the heart of the star she saw at the beginning of all this.

 

The other is set into a small pendant that rests against Jillian's heart, a smaller version of the one they had made in the same world to house the larger, raw stone.

 

They whisper small stories in the dark of night and light of morning of where they have been, and the platinum thread between them never pulls again.

  


-

 

End.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Did I lose you? Or are you still with me?
> 
> x


End file.
